moving on, whether I like it or not

Yesterday afternoon, swiftly and succinctly, wiped me out. My coaching with B. was very efficient and productive, as always... I have a recording of us gong through each of my audition arias, fixing and cleaning - if I run things with the tape daily until I leave, I should be in good shape. He mentioned knowing folks at FGO, and I also remembered that he used to work for HGO as well.

Waiting for my next piano student, I emailed him from the car, asking if he'd put in a word at both places. I recalled my anxious anticipation.... and at that same moment, I received The Email from HGO. As rejections go, it was very kind and mentioned that sometimes a singer isn't passed onto the next round, because of "timing or repertoire".

I know this is BS, because if their upcoming season doesn't require a lyric coloratura, they wouldn't have heard me in the first place.

I'm disappointed and even a little angry... but if I really am honest with myself, why did I want to get into HGO? Was it because I truly feel that HGO is the answer to the career I want? Or is it because I desperately want to quit my church job, and that would have given me a valid reason?

I suspect it's the latter, which should put this latest development in perspective.

The audition this weekend makes sense to do, and I think I have a good shot. Time to force myself to look ahead. There just isn't time for me to grieve and wallow.