diamonds

I survived another Thursday, relatively intact. I had to be the jail warden to the 35 junior choristers who'd rather just be entertained, have their Oreos and be done with it... as with any classroom dynamic, there are a few shining stars who give it 100% and never stray out of focus, but the roudy ones get all my attention. My Junior High-ers are still sweet at heart, when they think no one is looking. It is frustrating, yet wonderfully entertaining to watch 13-year-old boys vie for attention from the girls, who are so pre-occupied with their conviction that the entire world is judging them, to notice. I stand on my head to keep their attention, but don't mind because it works. The Adults are the Adults. I will not change them. It's just about getting to the tasks at hand, being kind, keeping my boundaries - especially with the one, aforementioned, overattached male. My accompanist is becoming one of my greatest friends and role models - if not for her, I would seek other pastures.

A glimmering diamond in my day: two Junior High girls are studying voice with me. The second of these two Little Women had her Very First lesson with me yesterday. Not only that, I don't believe she'd ever sung solo in front of another human being before. The fear soon gave way to delight, and I recognized and remembered - with a pang - the feeling that was so clearly shining in her face. At 13, she is totally unfiltered and true: "I can't wait to sing with you again, Angela!" I damn near cried three times during her lesson.

And now that the processing is through, I must gather and center my Singing Self. There is nothing threatening to topple me off-balance today nor tomorrow, but on Sunday I must get through morning masses AND a fundraiser/gig in the afternoon. At least I will have another go at 'Caro nome' that day, which will be a good trial run.

I sometimes find myself longing for the summer of '07, when I was given the gift, for the first time, of "just being a singer". I lived in Carmel for 5 weeks, was housed in a beautiful place, paid and treated like a real artist, given a very reasonable schedule that allowed me time to practice every day, explore the beauty around me, and be joyful in the Here and Now. The quality of every musical experience was the best it can be, and I just reveled in it. As a bonus, C. was able to come with me, and have an incredible experience of his own - so I was also free of the stress of being away from home and trying to balance that connection with current experiences...no having to explain what I was doing, and how I was growing. He was there to witness first-hand! It was a happy, happy summer.

I suppose that, during this time, I must create that result for my soul, from within...and to keep that epochal time as a reminder of where I want to be, career-wise.