today and tomorrow

C. left for the 2-week Europe tour today. And so begins the reality of "hunkering down" for me (I plan to have this daunting role in my voice and memorized by the time he comes back) ... tomorrow is yet another nerve-wracking Lucia gig, with three of us pretending to be ready to perform excerpts for an audience of retired UC Berkeley faculty. It was cute; my tenor called today for no apparent reason, I think mostly just to share our fear of this.

Had a lesson with S., which did not lessen my fear any. The wind has been quite violent and my allergies have flared up - I have to work extra hard to keep my voice on track right now. Which is unfortunate when I'm trying to remember words.

Had a visit with The Boss today.... I am happy for him as he moves on to a much-deserved retirement life, but sad that I won't have an excuse to see him as often. It is nourishment to the soul to be in the presence of one so centered and kind, who also seems to see the same qualities in me - it is a reminder that there are some places in life where I am truly "good enough".

In the meantime, back on the other side, where I am constantly fighting to be and feel "good enough":

Lucia is a major stress right now, and it's keeping my brain's "worry center" occupied. But of course it will pass, and every once in a while (like this afternoon), I get a glimpse of life after it's over. Times, they are a-changin'..... I foresee many huge changes this year. I can feel it in my bones. Am I sad? I suppose. But I think I'd be far sadder if nothing ever changed.