Then I did the good ol' drive into the city for a lesson with S. She had a crisis to deal with over in the administration wing, so the lesson started an hour late. She made up for it with a longer lesson, which was fabulously positive, productive, and encouraging. We talked audition rep and revised the current "plan". I drove home last night feeling READY for my midwest trip.
So why am I depressed? Two things have happened this week to deflate my enthusiasm:
1. After paying for a coaching with the OSB music director, spending hours listening to the recording and choosing takes, and then driving around the Bay Area to drop off and pick up a finalized mp3 to send to the other OSB guy - I finally emailed the track to him in Chicago. It was met with the least promising email I could have received: "Thank you. We will we looking at our list of finalists and notify all applicants of the results at the beginning of November."
Gone was the warmth and genuine interest evident in his earlier emails. I have faded back into the multitude of sopranos.
There is always the possibility that he was either in a hurry, or not at liberty to discuss the situation further with me - but I have too much experience with rejection. It comes in all shapes and sizes, and hurts in various degrees.
2. I have spent countless hours practicing and visualizing, spent lots of money on lessons and coachings - not to mention airfare/hotel/rental car, ruminated and meditated on the 'perfect' audition repertoire - and now my agent is having trouble getting in touch with Cleveland and Indianapolis to confirm my auditions. She says this is a common tactic to discourage West Coast singers, and that if we do not hear back from them, I may want to set a "deadline" for myself, by which I cancel the trip.
I can't BELIEVE it. All I have to go on right now is the process of setting a goal, and working toward it. If I can't even count on the goal, how will I know where to focus?
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