moving forward

Yesterday I was given a REAL day off, and I struck a blow for freedom. The previous evening, I finally went for that self-promised massage - it must have released a huge amount of toxins and stress; afterward I felt as if I'd been given a heavy drug. I slept well.

Then, for the first time in years, I had a day without a schedule, without people... without a house to clean or worry about or a "to do" list, I asked myself what I'd really like to do, and then did it. Ate at a place I've been wanting to try, and ordered what I wanted to, without having to explain my diet to anyone. Saw a movie - "Alice in Wonderland" - Tim Burton's movies are such a feast for visually-oriented people like me. The whole thing was so very beautiful, every single frame. It also evoked the original illustrated books that I read as a child - much more so than other movie renditions have. I'll have to go back to check, but I believe he took liberties with the plot, making Alice an adult who remembers Wonderland...similar to what the movie "Hook" did with Peter Pan.

My phone helped me find directions to all locations yesterday, as I thought of them on a whim. After the movie, I found a Borders, grabbed a cup of tea and read a trashy magazine. It was heaven.

I actually slept well. Can't believe it. I feel like a totally different person.

Just observing a recital today, but still have to be "on" again as I have lunch with the other Young Artists and administration at the offices.

I'm officially tired - no, SICK and tired - of being around immature young people who don't know how to carry on adult conversations, so the next few weeks will be an exercise in patience.

As a goal-oriented person, I am doing my best to put this weekend's performances behind me - the disappointment in not being able to sing my best due to exhaustion, which makes me honestly relieved that no visiting company administrator came to hear me when I wasn't at my best. I was very sad that I did so much work and put so much of myself out there, apparently for nothing. But today is a new day.

Next up: a house audition at Fresno Grand. The rest of our upcoming Fresno stay will entail long staging rehearsals as a chorister, living at the Days Inn, no solitude unless I take off in my car (which I probably will, of course)... but I am focused on that next audition. I have to be, otherwise I will go insane.