The Meeting

Today is the meeting with the new pastor and G. I hope that we can come to a peaceful resolution that works for everyone. I hope I walk out of there with less responsibility, clarity, and peace about the coming year. And of course it has to happen on the same day as a voice lesson, opening night of Aida, and a very late night because of the party afterward. I feel tired just thinking about today.

I just pray that I will be in a positive space in time to see D. today. We have a lot of music to get through, and I can't be distracted by the church business.

Right now I feel angry and frustrated when I walk into that place. Yesterday was difficult. The first day back is always a bit depressing, because attendance is low. Keeping the kids coming back takes work, and time. It takes visits to classrooms, standing on my head, offering awards, keeping them engaged.

I don't mind all that, if I am happy with the way things are being run behind the scenes. Difficult to separate my irritation with the staff (adults) from my connection with the kids.

What gets old is being made to feel guilty that "we just spend so much money on music here". It was thrown up in my face again yesterday. I'm just like, if you don't have the money, or choose not to make it a priority, fire us all. If you don't fire us, then shut up about it.

I hate having to deal with all of this while I'd rather be working on my singing. Yet another day went by when I did not have time to practice and fill out applications. I went home really resentful - thankfully, I was so physically tired from the day that I fell asleep.

Just want to get through that crucial hour today...