totally overwhelmed....

The Meeting went reasonably well. Many important items were discussed. I felt the familiar tension that comes with feeling an irrational responsibility for everyone's happiness and comfort, sensitive to every lift of an eyebrow, every vocal tone. It wears me out.

The next step: calling all choir members today, and asking them to a meeting tomorrow morning, whereby G. and I will outline the changes (as in, I'm stepping down) and "get their feedback" (that's the politically correct way of making them feel a part of the decision - but it is made, my friends!).

This was followed by an invigorating session with D. I hadn't expected mountains to be moved, since we are at the note-learning stage of a role, and given the distracted state in which I arrived.... but it, instead, served as a visit back to my best self, the self that loves to sing and share with others, who is starting to truly be unfettered by feelings of inferiority, starting to accept and appreciate God's gift in a totally new way.

It made the prior meeting seem to fade into the distance.

I was approached last night with a very intriguing opportunity that could yield many wonderful things, but wreak havoc with my already confusing schedule and prospects (especially when it comes to St. Stephen, that ever-present millstone around my neck). Since I went to bed at 2am due to the opening night what-have-you, today is not the day to make decisions.

Still, I can't ignore the fact that this is a tumultuous year from the start, and decisions will be forced upon me right and left, whether or not I am ready for them.

Thank God I have a very inviting and engaging escape right now: The incomparable Jane Eyre.